A Letter To You

I wanna say how much I miss you, but you can’t miss what you never had. I guess life’s just kicking my ass right now & I’m just feeling kinda sad. Mad cuz I let you slip right through my fingers, and the pain still lingers. You fell through the cracks in my sanity and I can’t disagree, I just wish that I had that chance back. A chance to be who I really am, a chance for you to see me at my best. Instead of these nightmares of how I’ve behaved that just fill me up with rage & regrets.

But I digress…

I had more thoughts that made more sense, but they came so fast: they just came & they went. But none of it matters, there’s no argument that I acted a fool and the time that we spent was all just wasted on my ignorance.

I guess I just miss you. But you can’t really miss what you never had. I guess I’m just sad and honestly mad because I’ve spent my life giving to others, living for others. And all that I wanted was to be a good mother. But when it most mattered, I quickly discovered that no one was there: even when when I recovered. And I’ve never had a legitimate lover. Why would you be any different from the others? I’ve always been alone so I sit & I suffer the consequence of my discontent. Even when I repent, no one else gives a shit so why should you? You were never my boo. Or even my friend, I depended too much on you.

Now none of these words even make any sense & it wasn’t at all my original intent but I’ve forgotten the lines that brought me here to begin with so fuck it. I’m done.

And even if you don’t deserve it, you’re still my #1.

Peace ☮✌☮

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