Vintage Porn

So I recently learned that my mom gave away my grandfather’s porn collection around the same time she basically gave away the house I grew up in: she sold it for 23k, just enough to cover the loans to break even. I’ve resented her selling it so cheaply over the years: especially during the times my kids and I have been homeless. But why Grandpa’s porn!? I happen to know for a fact it was in mint condition!!!

I know because I’d been reading it since I was a little kid: sprawled in the hatchback of my grandmother’s gold Toyota Corolla after church on Sundays while we drove up to the mountains in our usual weekend ritual. She’d always made it a habit to collect the magazines left in the rooms she cleaned during the week at the Howard Johnson’s where we worked. I say we because, back then, if I wasn’t in school or taking care of Mama Jeannie, her mother, I was at work with my grandmother cleaning motel rooms. Rarely was I ever afforded the opportunity to be a kid. I was more like her puppet on a string- or so she thought…

Anyway, that’s info for another time and another chapter. I just want to say this: regardless of your opinion, a vintage porn collection in MINT condition in today’s market would be worth just as much (if not more) to collectors than a baseball card collection from the same era. Not that I would’ve considered selling: I’d rather have preserved it to pass on to future generations as THEY come of age.

Call me “crazy,” but it was never the porn that corrupted me: I saw it just like I saw all reading material- as an educational medium. Only it made me feel tingly in places that I knew were off-limits. But it didn’t make me WANT to engage in sex, it just gave me ideas for what to do if and when I found my One. Also, the pictures and articles taught me the alternatives to vaginal intercourse: very important since, to me, it was any behavior which could result in procreation that was prohibited til I found my right partner. Obviously I wasn’t supposed to MAKE BABIES with just anyone!

No, it was my mother’s bad advice that did me in: “All guys only want one thing- and if you don’t give it to them, they might not stick around long enough to figure out whether or not they love you.” This was “the talk” that I was given just after my 14th birthday. Up until then, I’d only ever allowed “above the waist” stuff to occur. A year later, I’d been through my first pregnancy and an abortion I did not want to endure. I wanted to be like Juno (although it was like a decade before that came out…) and find an awesome family to raise my kid- and bonus if they’d take me too!!!

The moral of this story is: DO NOT THROW AWAY YOUR DAD’S PORN COLLECTION!!!

An original work by *crptnite*

All content is to be considered fictional and any likeness to any persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental- all truths are said in jest 😉

Posted from WordPress for Android

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s