Monthly Archives: January 2014

Unfinished

I’m feeling blue.
Maybe it’s because I miss you.
Or maybe it’s cuz there’s no moon.
I hope you hurry back soon.
I know I drive you crazy-
What can I say? I’m a loon.
I really wanna have your baby.
Are we in tune?
Boy, you know you still amaze me.
Let’s begin soon.
And I don’t even mind the waiting-
I just miss you.

TBC…

An original work by *crptnite*

All content is to be considered fictional and any likeness to any persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental- all truths are said in jest ūüėČ

Posted from WordPress for Android

Brave

Brave by Sara Bareilles on Grooveshark for Android: http://grooveshark.com/s/Brave/58noiP?src=5

Sara said she wants to see you be brave- I wanna see you grow balls. Cuz the way it looks from where I’m standing- you’re too scared to talk at all.

You only respond to my messages when you’re angry over what I said. But you blow the shit all out of proportion- you know I’m just talking out the side of my head.

A soldier, brave & true- thought that was you. But courage can’t get you very far when you’re busy running scared from your own heart.

And speaking of heart- what the hell you think courage means anyway? It comes from the French ‘la coeur’ which literally translates to ‘heart’ the way we say it.

So if you don’t have a heart then how can you be brave? A slave to heart or mind: either way you’re still a slave.

But I’d rather be a slave to my heart cuz that’s where God is. This world starts filling our heads with bullshit when we’re just little kids.

Do you even remember what it was like not to care what people think? I know you care out of respect but to respect yourself first is the missing link.

So what if your ideas & beliefs don’t fall in line with the masses? Blame it on the fact that human minds evolve slower than molasses.

See, you & me, we’re beyond all the bureaucratic nonsense. We care too much to ride the fence, yet not enough to resort to violence. It would seem that we’ve defeated all the evils of fear, anger & indifference.

Why fight when you can fuck? (like our cousins- the bonobo chimps…) Yeah it’s a lil too blunt, but I don’t give a fuck. If caution & censorship’s what you’re here for- then I guess you’re just shit out of luck.

Cuz I spent too much time being stuck: losing my mind just trying to muddle through the mud & the muck only to find that we’re all the same: no one is to blame. We don’t need to feel any shame for who we are- or even all the pain underneath our scars.

I’ma call it quits now cuz someone just interrupted me. But answer this one thing: if you’re not free to be yourself, then are you really free?

So go be brave: fight for freedom & justice for all. But keep in mind that you & I are ‘just us’ after all. I’m sorry I’m still not perfect, but at least you taught me not to fall. So no matter how this year plays out- I’ll be here waiting for your call.

Peace!

Interesting Factoids…

Heard this song a million times & never noticed til just now the line “…resurrecting God through birth…” I also noticed that the EXACT time on the counter when he says “birth” is 2:14- my DOB. Now, I’m not even suggesting that means ANYTHING in the Grand Scheme of Things. I’m just pointing out an irony: strange how MANY such ironies I HAVE & CAN point out- that’s the intelligent part of Intelligent Design ūüėČ

I’ll Be There for You/You’re All I Need to Get By by Mary J. Blige on Grooveshark for Android: http://grooveshark.com/s/+/2MdWAi?src=5

The IN-Judicial System of East Tennessee

So I rarely write matter-of-factly on here- mostly because I prefer to remain anonymous to those who’d know me unless otherwise admitted by me directly. This is supposed to be a (creative!) outlet for all the zillions of thoughts, ideas, feelings &¬†OPINIONS!!!¬†I’ve got bouncing around inside my head at any given moment I should feel the need to share.

 

But this situation with my kids is getting crucial- and, despite the irony of said so-called “Messiah Complex” (Psychoanalytical label…), it seriously¬†does seem as though I’m being¬†crucified! You see, the¬†people in control of my fate¬†here & now¬†don’t believe in me- or even seem to really have¬†any spiritual beliefs¬†at all.¬†They certainly don’t seem to believe in¬†GOOD¬†or¬†GOD– at least not as¬†I’VE¬†come to personally know either. Therefore, it is with the¬†utmost¬†prejudice in which they view my case: the case of whether or not I should be allowed to parent my own children- the children¬†I¬†gave birth to and have struggled the past decade to raise¬†alone,¬†the very same children¬†I’d¬†attempted¬†to secure¬†some type of¬†help or assistance caring for¬†several times throughout the years that my “illness” had rendered me¬†virtually incapable of being the mother I’d¬†set out- and was¬†meant– to be.

 

I’ve got much more to add to this, but must take a break now.

*TBC*

In the Event of My Demise

If tonight, I should die
Know that it was unintentional
I was only trying to get some sleep
But all I could do was cry

No one person is in any way more responsible than another, although a few of you have recently pushed me over the edge worse than before

But all that matters now are my children- I want them to be happy and try to understand that I never meant to hurt them this way

I never meant to hurt them at all!

I’m sorry I couldn’t survive the fall.

Revelation

So I was staring at the wall & wondering why you haven’t called & thinking it was all my fault & then I heard that old tree fall- you know the one: that falls down with no one around & nobody knows if it makes a sound?

Well I do. And it does: first it makes a couple cracks, then bends & breaks as it looks back. Then when it falls, it makes a SMACK like how it feels falling flat on your back…

…like I did that one time out of the tree we used to climb in our front yard- and man it hurt cuz I hit hard: knocked the wind right outta me like I could hardly breathe, so when I fell through all the branches & my hair was full of leaves…

…I ran inside thinking I might die because I couldn’t catch my breath and my back & neck were sore to death, but wasn’t greeted with respect or even sympathy…

…cuz once my grandma got one glimpse of me, she beat my ass extensively while screaming, “It’s what you get, you see!? And why girls don’t climb trees!!!”

Ah man- ain’t it sumthin’ y’all: that good ole’ country lovin’ bein’ given by a bumpkin to a kid not scared of nuthin’

But staring at this wall & thinking how you never call & how I’m always prone to fall just made it clear for once & all: love is bullshit.

See, like the tree- I scaled your wall & once on top, began to fall. Unlike the tree, you heard me call & offered not a branch at all, no pile of leaves to break my fall- you just sat back & watched it all: laughing as I hit.

You mistook my fondness for your heart as weakness from the start & though, at first, you played your part, you can’t be blamed for where we are because, just like a house of cards, it took no effort on your part getting it to fall apart: just space & time.

My weakness wasn’t what I felt- or even that I fell: that was inevitable, as well- a story I don’t need to sell. It’s that I simply couldn’t tell that you weren’t mine.

Of course, I knew we weren’t together & that you’d never say forever- all the time we were whatever existed only in my mind.

But my biggest mistake wasn’t the fall or the break- it was believing you were great & thinking that you could relate, always insisting you were kind.

You see, the you you used to be- he acted very differently. Can’t believe I couldn’t see you for the you you’re now to me: guess I saw wrong.

And now the you you are to me- he has become my enemy. He never gives me what I need: so now I’m gone.

Guess I shoulda just listened to my grandma all along…

…well, at least it’s not a sad, sappy love song.

Yee-haw, y’all!

Idk wtf

I wanted to take you inside of me & make you feel all the things that I see- like how much better this world would be if there were a person half you & half me.

I wanted to bring you to ecstasy while building within you strong feelings for me so that you’d never deny what your eyes can’t see and know for a fact that I’m where you should be.

I wanted to give you more than you deserve by letting you access my every curve and then hear you say- though it may sound absurd- that you can’t help but hang on my every word.

I wanted to tell you how much I adore whenever you’re here, and how I abhor when you aren’t near: can’t take anymore.

I miss you like crazy, I desperately do. You astound & amaze me, you scare me some too.

Cuz whenever you’re near, I can’t help but feel you. But my biggest fear is that you don’t feel me too.

Tying Up Loose Ends

I hate my life without you- I can’t seem to make it work. But I hate my life with you: you act like such a jerk.

You’re never there when I need you. You never even try. And you don’t even seem to care as to how often for you I cry.

I’m so sick of all this bullshit. Just wanna rip your heart out. And on your grave I will spit, as you don’t care what I’m about.

I only wish that I could hurt you half as much as you’ve hurt me. But rest assured I’ll reimburse you for all the pain you’ve caused in me.

I can’t stand to hear your name: it makes me feel like I’m insane. To ever think that you could care. But all along, were never there.

This poem’s sounding dumb. Or maybe I’m just numb. Don’t know who you think you are, but never thought you’d go so far.

I hate everything about you. Not even sure why I didn’t doubt you.

But rest assured that I am done: I realize you never were my “one.”