What I Won’t Say

It’s been like 36hrs since I told you to go to hell- sorry about that btw: think we may have just had some kind of misunderstanding. But the fact that you said, “I’ll hear from you soon.” really got to me. Not sure if you were mocking me as if to say ttyl except you knew it’d be me contacting you first to try and smooth things over with an apology, or whether you were just stating a fact based on my prior actions. But either way, I’m taking it as a challenge.

You’re right: I am always the one to apologize, aren’t I? Guess it’s just because you mean too much to me to throw it all away over a petty lil squabble or misunderstanding like that. But what about you, huh? What I really want to know is: what do I mean to you?

Really wish you’d enlighten me on that subject for once: you might be surprised what good a lil heartfelt honesty can do for your soul. Even if your answer is simply nothing– the word, not the action- it would be better to know the truth once & for all than to continue wondering.

Everyone thinks I’m crazy or maybe just refuse to see what’s right there in front of my face. But they weren’t there all those times you came to me. They didn’t witness the passion, sense the vibe, or feel the love consuming everything around us til there was just you & me left. They didn’t see how the universe disappeared when I looked into your eyes, or how simply being in your presence elevated me to much higher levels than I’ve ever reached on my own: I was always my best self with you by my side.

At first it was that I was trying so damn hard to be “perfect” in your eyes, but then I realized I didn’t even have to try: the right thing just came naturally whenever you were there. Not even just “there” physically: sometimes you were only with me in my head. But either way- you always made me a better person: without trying.

I better go now- lots to do and time is running out. You were right when you said you’d hear from me soon. But this time, you’ll have to listen a little closer: this time I’ll only be a voice in the back of your mind. But if you pay attention, you’ll hear me. And if you take the time to listen, I’ll tell you with my heart what my lips won’t say.

One thought on “What I Won’t Say

  1. Read this today as if for the first time: I’d actually forgotten that I ever wrote it. Brought tears to my eyes: I suddenly remembered what I’d been feeling @ the time. All great stories tend to bring me to tears- but never one I wrote & then forgot about: I usually just laugh @ myself whenever I find them again. I laugh because the “story” suddenly sounds corny to me: because whatever it was I’d thought I felt at the time, I didn’t really FEEL it anymore. Guess it just means those “feelings” were never real to begin with- and the stories not worth remembering.

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