ADLD

So I was coming on here to write a post about whatever was on my mind, but got sidetracked playing around with this Gravatar thing- cool idea but I’ve got so many different pics I love that I’m constantly changing my profile pic anyway. Uploading and editing all those pics was quite time-consuming and I just realized what I got the laptop out for anyway: to buy myself just a few more minutes of laziness by justifying it with a post. I’ve come to the conclusion that what I actually “suffer” from isn’t ADHD, but rather ADLD: Attention Deficit/Laziness Disorder. Could’ve been more “clinical” and said “Inactivity Disorder” instead, but let’s call a spade a spade: I’ve become quite lazy in my old age!!!

But the attention span thing- that has actually gotten worse. Although I have to wonder, as I now realize that ten minutes has turned into an hour and seventeen minutes, if my so-called “distractability” isn’t just one of my brain’s many subconscious techniques for putting off work!? Does my mind distract itself on purpose so that it can continue focusing on whatever it wants to focus on rather than whatever I really need to be giving my full attention to in a given moment? And if so, should this be considered a character defect or some sort of “illness” of the mind? I mean, if you think about it, it’s only logical for the mind to strive to focus its attention on that which gives it pleasure while avoiding any task that causes it stress, boredom, or any other unpleasant experience: such as housework.

Strangely though, it isn’t really so much the physical work I dread: I actually love to clean & organize- I’m kind of a perfectionist in that way. I think what I really dread is what the work represents, the fact that there’s too much to do to feel any sense of real accomplishment anytime soon, that I have no help whatsoever- it’s all on ME!- and also what I will inevitably encounter in the process of cleaning/organizing my old room: mementos & souvenirs of my youth (which will then remind me that it’s gone forever) and my children (which will of course remind me that they’re gone as well- and it’s all my fault…) and other things that I know will try to break me down emotionally. THIS IS WHY PEOPLE HIRE MAIDS!!!

My deadline is quickly arriving and there’s so much still to do, yet here I sit feeling lost and helpless, typing this while planes keep flying overhead- I’m inside with all the doors and windows shut, but for the last few minutes, their engines have been loud and clear as if I were standing on a runway. I’ll take the hint & get back to work- thanks for keeping me in check, Captain! (salute) I doubt you’re reading this- not sure anyone ever will- but if you do then you know who you are and what I’m talking about. For anyone else (including me), I’ll have to explain later: time to stop thinking about doing and just DO IT!!!

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